so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
