I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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