Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize