too bad you live with your parents still
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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