try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
this is an emotional support booty call
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i out mim tonsoeep
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
