Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
