i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
