Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
