I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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