i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
