I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
