he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize