lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
