my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
