Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
