My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
