the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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