your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
