I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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