Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
