duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
