He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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