when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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