Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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