I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
