My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Someone signed my nipple.
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