Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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