Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
