I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
