Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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