DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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