Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Even my vagina gasped.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
