Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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