god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
