Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Barsexuality is the new black.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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