So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
