I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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