I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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