he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
