even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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