Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
