Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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