Plan B is the new Plan A
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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