I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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