I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
