i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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