I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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