K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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