when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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