I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Send us your Text From Last Night!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is that why you're texting me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
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