my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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