Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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