I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Randomize
