She said her name was "party"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
