i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
