you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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