Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
