i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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