And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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