And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
