just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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