you guys were way drunker than both of me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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