Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
