i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Enjoy the penises
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
