sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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