i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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