Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
