I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
