he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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