I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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