I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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