The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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