In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
