mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
