I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
