Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
