He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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