i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just google imaged poop.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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