i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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