i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
