nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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