those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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